How to Self Tape

Advice from someone who's really good at it

Hello aspiring actors! 

My name is Kyle and I’m going to be your intrepid guide into the exciting world of self taping. Self taping is a far more convenient, far more fulfilling form of auditioning for film, television, and theatre! Back in the day you used to have to audition for roles in person. You’d learn your lines, drive somewhere in the real world, and perform in front of a real human. (Also known as a casting director.) Ew! I don’t know about you, but I didn’t get into acting to “show off” in front of a “person.” I got into acting to make home movies with my cell phone and never get any feedback on them!

Step one - Learn your lines

This is of course, a no brainer to any actor worth their salt. Some casting offices now include in their emails that you don’t have to memorize the whole side, however, if you don’t it can hurt your chances. No worries on that, though. Because your chances are really good!  

Step two - Buy a bunch of stuff

On any professional film set you’d only be asked to do the job of an actor, however self taping gives you the exciting opportunity of doing twenty other fucking jobs. You get to function as the actor, the cinematographer, the gaffer, the set designer and the editor too! Do you have to be good at those things to book a role? Kinda! A badly lit self tape will reflect poorly on you, the actor, who should just kinda know how to do that. 

I recommend (at the bare minimum) getting a ring light and a backdrop. 

Step three - Get a reader 

If you’re recording a scene you’re going to need somebody to act with. Now I use the word “act” here very liberally. Your scene partner doesn’t have to be an actor and (industry secret here) but most self tape scene partners would actually rather be doing anything else. Try not to let their energy affect yours, and definitely don’t mentally estimate how much respect they’re losing for you just because you have the audacity to want something out of this cruel world. 

Here some ideal readers: 

• A parent who regrets paying for your BFA

• A sibling who wishes you were dead

• A girlfriend or boyfriend who you’ll definitely dump if you book the role

• A roommate who has been hitting a bong since you’ve been awake 

If your partner fumbles over a line, it’s essential that they stop the entire process and say “oh sorry I said that wrong.” It’s important that they feel good about their performance. 

Step four - Perform! 

This is it! This is your moment! 

Now is self taping just like any other kind of acting? Yes! Except it happens in a poorly lit corner of your living room and not “on location.” (On location is what industry insiders call a place.) A self tape is also one uninterrupted take so… I guess it’s kind of like theatre? Minus the “in person” element of course. So yeah… It’s kind of like a little play that you film on an iPhone in your living room with someone who hates you. 

Step five - Record a slate

A slate is basically a vertical video that shows your entire body and no one has ever looked good in. This is so the casting director can judge EVERYTHING about you, not just your weird face and your shitty acting. Make sure to rattle off some personal details like a desperate loner trying to solicit sexual favors on the internet. 

“I’m Kyle, I’m 6’1, I’m based in Los Angeles, I can swim, and I don’t have a gag reflex.” 

Step six - Review Footage 

iPhones are now capable of capturing ultra HD footage so you can properly see every little detail of your ugly fucking face. Jesus… Would the government even let you be on television? Looking like a dehydrated Steve Buschemi?  Are you too young to get some of this altered? Nothing crazy, just some fillers maybe? They say if you start early that’s the age you look forever, right? But wait hm…  do you really want to show up in the world as an old person's voice escaping a teenager’s mouth?  If you get rid of your laugh lines will you look too serious? If you get rid of your forehead wrinkles will you look too happy-go-lucky? What a riddle. 

You might realize that you look like your mother, who you love… honestly you do but… It’s always been clear to you that you were destined for a much sexier life than she was afforded. You’re going to be a movie star if the government will let you on TV looking that hideous. 

Step six - Learn iMovie

There are youtube videos that can help you with this one. 

Step seven - Send it off!

You gotta risk it to get the bisquick, amirite! Nothing for nothing! Anyone who’s anyone has put themselves out there, and now it’s your turn to face the firing squad! HOLLYWOOD HERE YOU COME!!!

Step eight - Never hear anything

This is the most important step…

Who are we really? The person we are with others…? Or the person we are when we’re alone? Did you know back in the day actors used to “form relationships” with casting directors. They used to know them and speak to them and get notes and feedback and feel like people talking to other people. Christ what a nightmare. Why be with anyone else ever when we could be alone… right? I’d much rather be the person I am when I’m alone…. Blinking hard as iMovie exports, retinas burned from the light of the screen, brain smoking from the stress of memorizing eight pages of network tv writing in an hour. 

Step nine - Wait for weeks 

See a Deadline article on a friend’s instagram story. Oh.

They cast that kid from Stranger Things. Guess the role was offered to him before you even taped. You were just what… an exercise? A backup? An experiment?

Well, no hard feelings. What did you really lose at the end of the day? The six free hours you have in a week? Sure, this was your entire weekend but what’s a weekend in comparison to a life? A life you’re meant to live? 

A year after you tape they’ll sometimes put a billboard for the show above your apartment building. (I’m not sure how common this is but it’s happened to me three or four times.)

Sometimes when you bring over sexual prospects they’ll linger by the door for a second so they can get a better look at the billboard. 

“I hear that’s great,” they’ll say, right to your face. 

You won’t say anything back because truthfully, you’ve heard the same. Apparently they’re making great stuff all the time now.